omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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