she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
