i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
