I need to stop coming to work sober
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
