I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
