There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
