I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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