I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
