If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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