I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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