Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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