I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Still dying that you shit outside
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
