I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
