Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
