i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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