Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
