wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
