I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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