dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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