He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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