So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My nipple is on Facebook.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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