I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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