Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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