Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
