TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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