Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's blow job season.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
