So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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