Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
