This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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