We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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