Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
