My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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