everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
