the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
