We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize