How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
