She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can I color on your dick again?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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