If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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