I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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