Sponge bath it is.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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