dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
