I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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