READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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