I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
