So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
