Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
