just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
