Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
