Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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