Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
