but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
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I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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