im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
