Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
