That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
