we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
