so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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