best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
