puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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