I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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