I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
