I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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