I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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