weddingsv make me drug and hornr
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
