and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
