I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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