I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
