I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
