its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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