When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The power of my boobs compel you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
