U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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