i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
