i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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