Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
