Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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