we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
